L-O-V-E: it's more than oversized teddy bears. Or is it?

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I thought it might be an appropriate time to write a post about everyone's favorite subject, L-O-V-E.

For those of you who read this blog, this may seem like a slightly odd topic choice for me, given that I probably mention my long-time singlehood at least once in each post. For those who know me personally, this will seem like an extremely odd choice, given the amount of eye-rolling and fourth-grade-esque, finger-down-throat gagging noises I make when confronted with mushy things. (I'm not joking, I actually used the term "gag me with a spoon" within the last week.) 

In fact, many of my friends and family members might think I am cynical, jealous, or worse yet, downright bitter about love. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I love love. I also really love fancy heart shaped candy, so Valentine's day is a big win-win for me. 

This week, I finished Aziz Ansari's book, Modern Romance. Basically, Aziz conducted studies of focus groups and enlisted some well-respected relationship psychologists and scientists to help him piece together data about dating in our time. It is really hard not to see the results as shocking. For instance, cheating occurs in 70% of committed, monogamous, non-married relationships. Apparently, the number greatly decreases after couples say "I do", which I guess answers my time-honored question of "why get married at all?"...

Anyway, ouch. That piece of data tells me that there is just about a 2/3 chance I will be cheated on if I ever decide to make it past the one or two dates stage with someone. However, the book was generally pretty positive about the outlook for love in the modern world. More places to find it, more time to find it, more chances of not settling, more matches on Tinder. Wonderful. I closed the book and walked out into the wide world, ready for love to sweep me off my feet. 

Ok, no, I didn't (I was coming from the gym after finishing the book, looking smashing in a sweat-stained baseball cap, so prospects for love had to wait till after a shower). I did start thinking about love and it's many forms, and also how the Hallmark holiday that we use to celebrate it is a mere two weeks away. If you have ever seen the movie Love, Actually, you can quote Hugh Grant's character in the opening credits: "Love really is, all around." 

I have occasionally teared up after clicking a video clip on Facebook of a soldier coming home to his dog (after months of being gone), and the dog jumps into his arms. It's even worse when it's the guy's kid, seeing him for the first time in years. Waterworks, every time. Oh, love!

Or when an organization I support (such as the Girl Scouts of America or Planned Parenthood) starts a crowd-funding page to recoup money lost from pulled grant money, and they end up raising three or four times more than their original goal. In that moment, I love all those people who donate. 

When I tell the story about my mother and stepfather being married for 26 1/2 years, and that he popped the question after only a few weeks of dating (but not before he asked my grandmother's permission (this was 1989, not 1960, so that's a pretty big deal)), my heart just sings. 26 1/2 years of marriage and no one was injured or killed. LOVE, people. 

I work day shifts at a bar and restaurant, and much of my daytime clientele is elderly couples. I have begun to notice that often, a husband will stand next to the booth while his wife removes her purse and jacket and gets perfectly situated before he sits down, in spite of the fact that he had neither of those items to contend with and could have just as easily taken a seat first. Definitely love (unless she's just a tyrant, and after years of being beaten into submission by that same handbag, he has learned to be obedient). 

When I see all the Valentine's day merchandise explode into store shelves about two days after Christmas, I roll my eyes and make my standard gagging noise. I have often thought "if someone ever brings me a giant white teddy bear holding a fabric rose that says 'be mine' on his enormous pink tummy, I will kick them out of my home" (and honestly, I might. A warning to potential suitors: I live in a studio apartment and there is NO ROOM, I repeat NO ROOM for oversized plush). However, people who critique gestures of love are probably not very good at love in the first place. It could be the cheapest box of Palmer brand chocolates on the store shelf, but when someone buys you something on a day that is meant to celebrate love, it means they love you (and thought of you). It also means you have chosen someone who bothers to know what day of the month it is, which is always a good sign. (But seriously guys, spring for the Whitmans. You won't regret it, since the lady in your life is probably still going strong on her New Years resolution, and you're going to end up eating them anyway). 

To get back on a serious note, love is wonderful in all of its forms. Love (when mutual) is the only thing in the world that requires no effort to feel (and makes you feel good all the time). There are so many people in my life that I love, even if none are in a romantic sense. If you're single, try thinking of that on Valentine's Day, instead of dwelling in the despair of having no one to buy you heart-shaped chocolate. 

And don't worry, that shit goes down to 50% off the next day and you can buy it all for yourself. Something else I love: a good sale. 

If you are reading this and thinking it sounds like a shameless ploy to get heart-shaped candy delivered to me in two weeks, then you are correct. Send me a text and I'll give you the address.

It will be the one with the giant white teddy bear in the hallway.