It's probably important to start by saying that I'm not one of those women. Of course, my friends and family know that I always love a good holiday excuse to drink booze and eat candy, but I certainly do not dwell on my singlehood any more or less on February 14. However, some of those around me do, and in February especially I find I am subjected to "there's someone out there for everybody", and "you'll find somebody someday" or, more likely, "but WHY are you still single?" The last, I should add, is usually in the form of a compliment, which I am more than happy to accept. It's also the inspiration for this blog post.
I could get up on my soapbox and rant about how our culture treats being single as something to get past, a mere phase that for most of us lasts the first 17/18 years of life and only rears its head intermittently after our teens. Or how those of us who choose to remain single are either treated as damaged goods or as someone to be pitied, implying that while we pretend to be happy solo, we are actually miserable inside (also implying that we don't know the true depth of our own emotions, which I have always found more than a little insulting). I could get on my soapbox and... Oh, excuse me, can you give me a hand stepping down from way up here?
This post is not about how single people are treated, but rather about the many reasons why I choose to remain in this state of non-relationship status. Don't worry, this isn't about to be several pages about my past heartbreaks (there aren't many) or a tale about how my parents ruined the idea of relationships for me (although I could probably use that excuse handily), because those are not why I choose singlehood.
1) I'm very comfortable being alone. Right or wrong, I have grown very used to being single. I haven't been in a meaningful (read: potential for actual comfort and happiness) relationship in nearly 10 years (apologies if this is insulting to...anyone). Even in my last (9-month) stint of coupledom, which was rife with manipulation, disagreements, and degradation (sounds fun, right?), I never truly saw it as a permanent situation. I've become accustomed, possibly even addicted, to my time being all my own. I go to work, pay my bills, exercise, run errands, and do all the other entirely unpleasant things required to be a functioning adult, but the rest of my waking and sleeping hours are mine. I do not feel pressure to throw myself into a false interest of another persons activities (what do you MEAN you don't want to watch another human play video games for 5 hours? What kind of monster are you?) or plan my own activities to include someone who may or may not actually be interested in them. I know relationships are all about compromise, but as time flies by, I have started to realize that life is short, and doing things you aren't sure you want to do simply to maintain the adoration and respect of another person is, for me, a waste of that precious time. If I want to spend a Sunday morning watching Gilmore Girls re-runs and cuddling on my couch with a pizza-shaped fleece pillow (something I consider to be a perfectly delightful piece of home decor), I can do it, without another person trying to convince me that watching a documentary on the evolution of computers would actually be more fun. Which brings me to my next point...
2) Sharing your living space sucks. I actually don't know one solitary human who doesn't agree with me on this. I truly believe that couples move in together at the stage in which they discover they can tolerate eachother for long periods of time, are already spending every night stealing covers from one another, shifting through 253 different uncomfortable sleeping positions together, and also realize exactly how much money they can save by cohabitating. Even my mother, who has not been single since her teens, would probably tell you that she has fantasies of having her own space where no one else is around to move things, dirty her dishes and linens, eat her food, or walk through the house in their muddy boots. When I leave my apartment, be it for two hours or seven days, I return to find it in exactly the same condition that I left it. Which is to say, my hideous pizza-shaped fleece pillow is always prominently displayed on my couch, the collection of sports paraphernalia from my favorite teams is still on the shelves and wall, and my clean laundry is still safely piled, unfolded, in the basket (because folding laundry is the most tedious chore in the world, so if you live by yourself, why do it?). If I want to buy pink floral curtains for my house (or, more accurately, the Han Solo frozen in carbonate shower curtain I have been coveting), there is nobody else who gets to add their two cents. No compromise here. Speaking of compromise...
3) Currently, the social and political opinions of others piss me off. If one more middle class, middle aged, white male tells me to "relax", "calm down", or (the worst one yet) "stop" when it comes to getting worked up about my concerns regarding our current poilitical climate, I swear they might get punched. I know that the man who has been elected president of the United States doesn't represent the opinions of all people who fall into the aforementioned category, but there seem to be a heck of a lot of them who are largely apathetic to his actions. So many have taken the "but it won't affect my life" stance to what is happening, and to me that is unacceptable. The president is beginning to wage a war on minority groups and women in this country, and a person who doesn't care about how this will affect those around them, myself included, has no place in my personal life. I am better able to resist on my own. Also, the magnitude of what is being done to America is so great, that it would seem almost selfish or wrong for me to prioritize dating or romance in times like these.
4) I don't like to feel uncomfortable. Relationships end. I realize many of you will call me pessimistic for this statement, but the average person has 5/6 relationships in their life (five for women, six for men, which is interesting in itself, but that's a topic for another time). Which means even if every one of those people only married once and stayed married till death, there are still four or five failed relationships for every human being. Five awkward breakups, five people you now have to avoid in your small town. Five people you once cared about deeply who are no longer a part of your life. Five rounds of town gossip. Up to five living situations that are uprooted or altered. Maybe even five pets that you bought together that one of you will never see again. Five rebounds (okay, we all know that's the fun part). Five different families that are disappointed because they really believed their son had found "the one" when he met you, and you even helped his mother with the dishes. Five bouts of crying, getting used to sleeping alone again, figuring out how to pay bills solo when you had become accustomed to having help. No, thank you. I prefer to keep my life happy, simple, and as low stress as possible. As I mentioned above, life is pretty short. I can't justify wasting precious hours, weeks, or days trying to emotionally recover from another dating roller coaster- not when I could have never boarded it in the first place and could instead be happily lying on my couch with my pizza pillow and the Gilmore Girls.
If you, too, feel these things about being single, know you aren't alone. It may not be what our culture teaches us, but it's fine to chug your merlot next week and eat your heart shaped candy gleefully instead of with tears and regret. As for Singles Awareness Day, why not celebrate it 365 days a year, loud and proud? While you're at it, treat yourself to Chinese takeout and some Netflix reruns next Tuesday- you won't be able to get a table at a restaurant, anyway.
