No, I don't want to be a mother, now or "someday". Yes, I'm sure. No, I don't think I will change my mind.
This is something I am constantly having to explain to my peers, my family, and even men I date.
Accompanying statements: No, I don't hate children. Yes, I know that I love to sew and bake. No, I doubt that I will change my tune if I meet the "right" guy and he wants kids. Thank you for reminding me that I am still young. I don't know who will take care of me when I am old and feeble. I have truly heard it all. Someone even once asked me how I knew I didn't want kids if I didn't have any yet. Yes, seriously.
My mother has made sweeping statements about my lack of a nurturing nature, based on two failed attempts at parenting felines. Don't worry, the cats didn't die - they just went to live with people who were more willing to have an obligation to sustain the life of another living being (one of those people is my mom). I will point out here, however, that at the time of both of my brief stints with pet ownership, I was working 2-3 jobs, averaging between 50 and 65 hours a week...Mom.
Friends with children have occasionally been surprised when I have suggested we get together and begged them to bring the kids. Fact: I love children. They are hilarious, unpredictable, often irrational little humans (not unlike myself, which may be why we relate so well). They have tons of energy and insatiable appetites for sugar, also like me, and usually they adore me. At least after they are about 12 months old, when I stop looking at them like they are a crying, pooping, terrifying, non-verbal carton of eggs that could be cracked or smashed with even the slightest misstep.
Some of the most preposterous arguments have been just that - arguments. Why anyone would think it is their responsibility (or even their right) to singlehandedly assist in promoting the repopulation of the earth is beyond me, but argue the point, they do.
"What if... You meet a guy and fall completely in love with him and he's perfect in every way, but he wants kids?"
First of all, I will never fall completely in love with someone who is perfect in every way. Bor-ing. And, technically, fictional.
Second, I would never consider falling "completely in love" with anyone who's major life plans didn't at least somewhat jive with mine. Sure, I have dated men who stated that they definitely wanted kids. I simply continued to calmly state that I did not. Surprise, these relationships eventually fell apart.
Third, what decade is this? Most people who have made this argument to me are quite close to my age. I fear for the future if women (and men) still believe that a woman should change her mind about the biggest decision of her life simply to appease her mate (and now, I shall step down off my feminist soap box).
I've been called selfish. Not wanting children must mean I am self-absorbed, right? If you are one of the people who have thought this, I ask you: is it not selfish to recklessly overpopulate a planet that will surely run short of necessary resources some day? (And now, I shall step down off my environmentalist soap box).
By some standards, I am still young. My coworker and his wife are about to have a baby (her first) at ages 35 and 38, respectively. Women well into their fourth decade are having healthy offspring everyday. My own mother was born to a woman at the "advanced age" of 40 (and that was 56 years ago!). I feel younger than maybe any 30 year old ever has. I live in a studio apartment. I drink cheap beer. I watch teen movies, drive a compact car, and love Taylor Swift. I eat boxed mac and cheese.
But I'm not 15. I am not a child making grand, untested statements about how she wants (or doesn't want) to spend her life. To tell me I am still young, young enough to change my mind or young enough to not know what I want, is unfair. I have had 12 years of legal adulthood to work on that, have known for that entire time that I wasn't planning to be a mother.
Admittedly, this has gotten easier as I have aged to nearly-30. Fewer people have told me I will change my mind, or tried to argue with me the reasons why I would be a great parent, now replacing the disbelief and lectures are quizzical looks and the constant inquiry: why? Why wouldn't you want to have children?
I used to have a ton of reasons, one to fit every social situation. "I just don't want to be responsible for how another person turns out", and "I don't make enough money and likely never will", "I am not settled enough", "I don't see myself getting married any time soon, har har har". All of the above are complete bullshit excuses, by the way.
The wonderful thing about being nearly 30 and being very sure of your most important life decision is that it has now become incredibly easy to tell people that it is none of their damn business.
